a man who's frozen in time

Compilation of my "The Old Woman With the Knife" fanfictions. I loved the book and movie adaptation. Basically the plot is about an aging woman assassin who meets a young man and later he becomes her subordinate in their company full of assassins. Little did she know that they had history in the past, in which she killed his father when he was young. But rather than anger, Bullfight becomes infatuated with her and thinks she's a really cool assassin, which is why he felt disappointed she wasn't what she used to be. The movie and book are nice and I really like their ambiguous dynamic and Bullfight's one-sided obsession. I wanted to write some scenes from Bullfight's point of view! Will be updated once I write more lol (thank you to a friend for helping me beta read this!)

Source: Freepik

1. like someone in love

There she goes again.

Bullfight was sitting in front of a shop and eating a sweet peach, watching the people walking on the street in the middle of the night by himself. Everyone was busy with their own business, and so was he. Even so, nobody could recognize him at first glance because the midnight blue suit made him invisible at night.

But his focus wasn’t on the people, rather on someone across the street who’s currently staring at the small clinic sign with white neon light.

The clinic was quite small, but its seats in the waiting area rarely found solitude. It had earned the trust of the city, known for its kindness and compassion, especially towards the elderly.

And she, the one his gaze has been fixated on since a few moments ago, was one of them. She was wearing a light brown jacket, which made him wonder how a lady at her age was still strong enough to conquer the strong cold wind on this winter night.

She stood in the same position for a while, her expression didn’t conceal her true thoughts as she keeps standing from under the tree. If a stranger saw her, they probably would have thought she was a lost elderly lady in front of a clinic who needs help.

But in Bullfight’s eyes, she resembled an immature person who had just stepped out into the world. Her demeanor was stiff and uncertain, like a teenager who secretly waited for someone they fancied at the school gate. She was wearing an old winter scarf and hiding her facial expression with a knitted bucket hat, yet Bullfight could still see the emotions on her face from a distance and darkness: a compound of shame, anxiety, and longing.

She was staring at the young doctor through the glass windows, who’s preparing to close his clinic. If Bullfight remembered correctly, his name was Doctor Kang, who became famous in this neighborhood because of his gentle appearance. Many people flock to him and love to be treated by him, especially elderly ladies who also wanted him to become their son in law since his wife died a few years ago.

But there’s one thing that Bullfight didn’t understand and actually felt offended.

How could a deadly killer who cracked his father’s skull decades ago like her, now behave like an overgrown teenager in love?

He sighed, resting his head on his left hand while watching Hornclaw still wandering around in front of the clinic. It feels like he was watching a soapy romantic drama, but instead of a young immature protagonist, the protagonist this time is a wrinkled old lady in her retirement age.

This was so ridiculous that it made him want to puke. He knew why she behaved like that, but there was this sense of anger that fired him up whenever he thought of that possibility.

To think that the woman who was once strong enough to murder people and become a legendary assassin was now behaving like that over a guy young enough to be his son. Why would she destroy her own legacy and job over that young doctor? Did she have no shame?

If she did, then how could she still not remember who I am?

That doctor didn’t even look special.

Bullfight already did a background check on him, and he’s just an ordinary guy who made a living as an ordinary doctor to provide for his ordinary family and his ordinary daughter.

Was it because he’s an ordinary guy that attracted her to him? Or was it because he helped her once when she almost died that he made a lasting impression in her memory?

Bullfight, on the other hand, had already claimed the lives of many people using his own flair. He didn’t want to simply do what their company demanded of him. Instead, he would kill the people that his clients wanted to eradicate in a stylistic, elegant way, because he believed that his job required him to make use of his sense of art. 

He knew he hurt people, but so did she.

That doctor saved people, while she hammered and killed countless people more than Bullfight can count.

So, what’s up with this sudden shift of morality?

An atonement, a way to make amends, or maybe just an older-person-with-early-Alzheimer-symptom thing?

Why can’t you remember me?

The more he thought about it, the angrier and enraged he became. It’s fine if she didn’t remember him because, after all, it’s been more than two decades ago. He’s not the same dumb middle school kid she helped drink medicine from years ago.

But really, to be infatuated with a random doctor just because he’s nice and helped her once?

What a ridiculous woman she became.

Bullfight can only scoff, he curved a little smile in irritation. The longer he observed this idol drama view, the more he got enraged that the same killer who killed his father now became a lovestruck granny. But before he left, he fixed his glasses and gazed at the doctor from afar for the last time.

I will kill him if he interferes with your work.

 (10/02/26)

2. amidst the steel cold winter

What do I do with you now?

The first time he realized that she was the same woman from his childhood memory, there was this strange feeling that enveloped his body. A cold emptiness that should be there in his chest was fighting for dominance against the burning feeling that originated from a spark.

Something that even he has a hard time describing it, because his feelings were too indescribable to be described in simple words. Normal people who experienced similar events as him would probably have had some normal feelings.

Hatred, rage, revenge, or resentment.

And that perhaps should have been the norm, because any human being with feelings would have gone through the same whirlwind of emotions when they were facing the same excruciating trauma like that.

But he didn’t feel any of it. 

Yeah, she ruined his childhood and family. But strangely, he didn’t want to reenact the same act of revenge just like those B-rated action flicks that people usually watch. Of course, he was sad and grieved when his father died, even if he was the same father who beat him up when Bullfight got mediocre grades in middle school.

But no matter what kind of person he was, he was still his father. The one who gave him a safe place whenever his mother toiled in a foreign country. The one who provided him with food and medicine whenever he fell sick because of his fragile health.

Even though Bullfight didn’t remember his father’s face or voice now, he was someone who still left him many memories.

In the midst of conflicted conclusion about his own feelings, Bullfight can only scratch his hair as he walked in the empty street lit by the dull streetlamps that followed him. Piles of snow continued to grow as the night stretched on, his only company next to his tangled emotions.

He walked along the empty street while tracing the fragments of childhood memories in his head. He had just finished a client’s request of chopping the finger of some random corrupt company higher up, and he did the job perfectly like usual. There was nothing different today other than the fact that he had found someone he had been looking for since decades ago.

Amidst a spur of nostalgia, he looked up towards the clear night sky. The cold winter breeze would have made anybody feel like they were almost freezing to death, and that’s probably why barely anybody was around in this street.

But Bullfight didn’t mind, as his thoughts were occupied with something else.

The night sky was beautiful, like an endless nothingness that glimmered with some sparkling little dust. Stars were radiating their light from infinite darkness, and Bullfight remembered when someone told him that if we look at the stars, it means we are gazing into the past.

It was summer when his father was hammered to death, and he didn’t count how many summers and winters had passed since his father’s funeral.

Maybe, he and his ordinary self also died that day.

Why didn’t you just take me with you?

Bullfight stopped walking, heaving a long sigh and produced a faint white smoke as he breathed. He puts his hands inside the pockets in his long coat, the cold breeze is finally starting coursing through his veins.

He stared at some old man who’s shoveling the snow that filled the street, maybe to help people so they can go through without any snow tomorrow morning. There were a few street food vendors who were still open, albeit barely anybody visited them.

In this dark, noiseless midnight when everybody was sleeping comfortably, it turned out some people were still working and busy with their own business while waiting for the sun to rise again.

Bullfight smiled, and he continued to walk towards his home, hoping he can meet the woman in his dream tomorrow.

(24/02/26)